Whose Wish?

Bal Natu

It was mid-morning and I was sitting with You in a secluded
grove. The leaves glistened as the sun's rays filtered through
them; I wondered if they were smiling at Your presence. I
was filled with contentment tinged with bliss -- or was it joy,
centered in calm? To the extent that my mind was working, I
was thinking, "How happy I am!" and selfishly I wished more
of my time could be spent like this, silently in Your company.

You sat quietly beside me, apparently unaware of my thoughts,
and yet there was a smile on Your face too. Suddenly it came
to me to ask, "Is our sitting here together because of my wish
or Yours?" You raised an eyebrow and said, "Good question,
however, I will answer that later." Then in Your loving concern
You asked me, "Are you happy with your life?"

I paused and said, "It is not easy to answer honestly."

"Why not?"

"Because this question from You evokes something deep in
me, and many events of my life come to mind, both favorable
and unfavorable. Life seems to be a tapestry woven with the
threads of such happenings, so I'm hesitant to reply."

"Can you not survey your life and evaluate the tapestry in
order to arrive at an answer?"

"Somehow that's difficult for me."

"Weren't you happy just some moments ago?" You asked. "If
you are enjoying something, why doesn't your experience of
enjoyment last?"

"Because things continue to change. Nothing remains the
same," I suggested.

"But what changes?"

"Oh, it could be anything. Maybe the sun gets clouded over,
or I suddenly get a little pain in my back, or a mosquito bites
me. When I go through such changes, my sense of clarity is
disturbed and I lose touch with my previous feelings of
happiness."

You shook Your head. "No, what really changes is your state
of mind. Every second, both internal and external
circumstances are vulnerable to change, and this effects a
change in your mind." You looked at me as if to bring home
this point. "Just as you become aware of feeling satisfied, you
worry that it won't last and you grasp onto the feeling. Your
inability to remain satisfied with what presents itself each
moment shows your lack of trust in Me. You have doubts
whether I will give you what you need at the right time. Your
very attachment to your own satisfaction is its undoing. The
mind has come into play and it is the mind's nature to never
remain content!"

Pausing for a moment, You continued, "There once was a
man who had left the world in search of God. He had been
wandering from place to place for some days as an ascetic.
But one morning he woke up with the thought, 'It would be
very refreshing if I could have a cup of coffee.' Just then a
generous person walked by and, seeing the ascetic, thought
of offering him some money. The aspirant was overjoyed that
his small desire would now be satisfied. He went into a
restaurant and ordered himself a cup of coffee. But no sooner
had it come than he thought to himself, 'Oh, if only I had a
doughnut to dunk in this coffee.'"

"And if someone had given him a doughnut?" I ventured.

"His mind would have prompted him to want a plate of toast
and jam."

"And if he had gotten that?"

"Eggs and sausage and cereal."

"And if he had gotten that, too?"

"He would have started complaining about a bellyache!"

Both of us laughed.

"You see, he forgot about his search, and instead of being
God-minded, he became food-minded. People start with one
wish, but that wish soon becomes complicated by further
wants demanding to be fulfilled. What an irony that, like the
ascetic, people begin to take their wants as God's wish. I am
not telling you this to discourage you, but to reveal to you the
inner working of the mind behind your abilities and limitations."

Feeling a little discouraged, I asked, "Is it human nature to
always want more and more? Are people doomed to ever
remain dissatisfied?"

"This is the mind's nature, but not one's original real nature,"
You pointed out.

Once again I was unsure how to respond, and sensing my
confusion, You came to my rescue. "The mind is like a small
girl who is given a delicious biscuit. In her delight she squeezes
the biscuit so hard in her hand that most of it crumbles to
pieces on the floor. You must relax your mind's grasp and
allow each moment to be as it is, letting it flow on in a natural
way."

I was deeply moved by what you shared with me and I
humbly asked, "So what should I do?"

"The trick," You replied, "is to remember Me." And You
leaned back with a very contented smile on Your face.

"Ahh," I exclaimed, "now I'm on more familiar ground.
Lovingly remembering You -- it always comes back to the
same thing, doesn't it?"

You nodded and said, "And for the same reason."

"And what is that?" I asked.

"Remembering Me with trust is the only remedy for all
ailments, because I am the Life in all things and beings.
The mind is stuck in the rut of comparing and contrasting
everything it experiences. You see a charming sunset, but
soon may feel disappointed that it was not as glorious as the
one the night before. Or you may feel happy because it is
even more spectacular, but you still worry whether tomorrow
will be a cloudy day. Yet remembering Me more and more
shakes the mind from its age-old habit of comparing and
contrasting, and you start to see everything in the present as a
manifestation of My Wish. Then you can begin to appreciate
each event fully, and every change fills your heart with fresh
wonder."

"This raises an age-old question, I'm afraid. If everything is, in
fact, a manifestation of Your Wish, then why should I control
my mind? If it is..."

My sentence trailed off as I saw You shaking Your head.

"You can't get off that easily," You replied. "Don't try to hold
Me responsible for your carelessness. If the sun is shining and
you stay inside and complain about the darkness, is that My
fault or yours?"

"It's mine," I replied.

"That's right. Life itself is an unfolding spectacle at every
moment. You just have to open the eyes of your heart."

"So how should I look at life?"

"Every moment of time, every movement in creation, is the
blossoming of Infinite Creativity in an attempt to know Its
Real Nature."

When You said this, I felt a thrill of excitement, as if, for a
moment, I had a sense of the great panorama of history being
a surging quest for self-knowledge.

"Do You mean to say that it's a sort of centrifugal and
centripetal synchronicity?"

With a mischievous smile You said, "If you are proud of such
high-sounding words, then you may say this, but Reality can
never be expressed in such a way."

I felt ashamed as I realized my obvious attempt to pretend to
know more than I do was ludicrous.

You didn't seem to mind, "Do you want Me to tell you all that
you need to know?" You asked, leaning forward as if about to
impart a great secret.

"Yes," I said, breathless for Your reply.

"All that you really need to know is to leave everything to Me.
And with this dawns the wisdom to give the right response to
each situation, which will help you remain joyful in every
moment."

Serious but smiling, You continued, "In fact, there is only My
Wish."

"If Your Wish is supreme, why do You allow us to deviate
from the right path? These detours are horrible," I commented.

With a beaming countenance, You answered, "It is because of
My unconditional love. My love is most powerful and, at the
same time, most helpless. So I cannot impose My Wish on
you or anyone. I give you a choice."

"What patience! What sacrifice to suffer for our sake!"

"My love willingly sacrifices and patiently waits until each one
is ready and willing to hearken to My inner call."

I felt deeply moved. I knew Your explanation was specially
tailored for me. Your responses are always universal, and at
the same time personal.

Easing the conversation into a lighter vein, You added, "You
want Me to wish what you wish -- like the naughty little boy
who would go to the movies every day. His friends were
often surprised and once asked him how he could do this.
The boy answered, 'It is God's Wish.' 'How do you know?'
one exclaimed. 'Well, I flip a coin,' answered the boy. 'If it's
heads, it is God's Wish.' The friends were amazed, 'You
always get heads when you flip the coin?' 'Well, sometimes I
have to try many times!'

"So, you see, people have invented countless excuses to
justify their wishes and convince others these wishes are Mine.
However, only when one begins to realize that My Wish
alone prevails in the end, will the individual gradually become
resigned to it."

"But what does it mean when people talk about free will?" I
asked.

"A nice expression, but it does not mean what the words
seem to convey. If you wish to float in the air, or stand in the
rain and not get wet, can you do it? Total free will is a
misnomer. There are innumerable laws of nature -- not to
mention influences of people around you -- circumscribing
your thoughts and deeds. You have to be aware of these
factors and make discriminating choices that will lead you to
truly accept My Wish."

The clarity of Your explanation was touching, and we sat
silently together for a short time.

You broke the silence by saying, "Isn't this your lunch time?"

I knew this was one of Your graceful and playful ways to end
the day's conversation. Yet I requested, "Excuse me, what
about a brief answer to my first question -- whether our being
here together is Your wish or mine?"

With ease and humor, You replied, "It is our wish!" And a
soft smile played about Your lips.

Though puzzled, I decided not to probe deeper into the matter.
So, thanking You, I left the grove. After walking some distance,
I could not resist the urge to turn and walk back, hoping You
would give me some clue about Your reply, "Our wish." But
when I reached the spot where we had been sitting in the grove,
I did not see You. All the trees were filled with a soft, radiant
glow and the rustling of their leaves sounded like laughter. I felt
they were making fun of my confusion. I turned back around,
muttering to myself, "Oh well, perhaps it is Your Wish that I
look for the answer myself."

Matchless are Your ways of awakening! Whose wish? Our
wish!

FLOWING CONVERSATIONS WITH THE AWAKENER, pp. 43-50
Copyright 2004 Sheriar Foundation